I Graduated! (Again!)

Estimated Reading Time: 7 minutes 

“Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of the most difficult challenges I face.”
– Carol Moseley-Braun, Politician and Lawyer

*More pictures at the end of the post*

Well, readers, it is official. I have received my Master’s Degree in English and Writing Studies. Even typing that makes my heart pound. Today was filled with so many emotions. Now, you all know, I love to write in sections. There were three different types of emotions that I think comes with graduating, at any level, honestly. So let’s talk about them! Here we go!

Good Anxiety 

Think back to the morning you had a big event. You know that feeling you have in your stomach? Those butterflies? Waking up early because you’re just so excited? This is what I call good anxiety. There is probably a better term for it, but I wouldn’t know.  If you’re anything like me, then you like to make sure everything is perfect for that big day. The night before my clothes are ironed, my hair is done, and my bag is packed. This good anxiety feeling is feeling the rush of knowing that today is the day where you can celebrate yourself and accomplishments. It’s funny because I think back to when I first started college in 2013. Some people told me, “Nah, school ain’t for me.” I understand that. “College is too much money, and I want to make money! Know what I’m saying?” Or, my personal favorite, “Man, that’s too long for me. Four years?! I just got out of four years of high school, and you’re going back. Wouldn’t be me.” I ignored those statements. But then one day at the end of my first year, it was 6am, I had no food, been studying all night for my math final, no sleep, and I thought to myself, “I can’t do this next year.”

On May 16, 2017, I heard my name called to receive my Bachelor’s Degree. It was worth it. Now, this morning, May 17, 2019, two years later, I hear the same thing. The feeling I had this morning lasted a couple of hours. That moment lasted a couple of minutes, and I think that’s where that good anxiety comes from. I knew that my name being called was going to be only a few seconds that I will remember for the rest of my life. But that’s like anything, right? Those exciting moments that only last a few seconds or a few minutes are the most memorable ones. Keep that good anxiety because it’s just all part of the experience.

Saudade 

For those of you who don’t know what that means, it’s the feeling someone gets when they miss someone or something. (Sort of like nostalgia). Today, on my way to graduation, I started to think about the people in my life who are no longer with us but has gone on to be with God. I think about my Uncle Neil, who would have been so proud of the person I have become and what I have accomplished. I think about my Aunt Rita, and Cousin Helen, whose heart would have been overjoyed knowing that I was graduating with my M.A. today. My Cousin Cindy, who passed away a few months ago, was always proud of me. I know if she saw pictures of me today, she would say, “I am so proud,” and I can hear her voice now as I write this. For anyone who knows what it’s like to know someone and then not have them around anymore after you have finished your accomplishments, you know the feeling of saudade. But you know, I put a smile on my face because deep down in my heart, I know I made them proud. ❤

Dismay 

I didn’t want to use the exact word “fear,” but this is a feeling I think that needs to be talked about. The week after I graduated undergrad, everything hit me at once. The celebration and excitement were over. I felt depressed because I had no idea what I was going to do next. I knew I wanted to get my M.A., but I didn’t know where. I wasn’t sure if I would get in anywhere. I didn’t know what job I wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted to do long term. All of these career and life fears put this cloud over me, and I wasn’t sure how to escape it. I didn’t talk to anyone about it because I assumed it was just “go away,” but I don’t advise that at all. As graduation season approaches, you see the graduates in their cap and gowns, holding teddy bears and flowers. You see proposals and parties. Vacations and social media captions…

All of that only last a few days. But then what? It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it does happen. I have a concrete plan (that is flexible) after this graduation, unlike my undergrad plan. I’m here to tell you that it gets better. Two years later and I am still figuring life out. There’s a misconception that young people must know and have their lives all figured out by the time they’re a certain age. (18, 20, 22, etc.) I’m 24…do not ask me if I have it all figured out because I don’t. Asking graduates that too much too often can make them feel uneasy. (I’m not a psychologist, so if you want to confirm that, be my guest.)

As you can see, graduation can bring up a rollercoaster of emotions. So for the ones who have family or friends who are graduating, I suggest a few things you can to make it a little easier for them:

1. Try not to ask them too much, “What’s next?” Some will know the answer, but for the ones who don’t, they will feel less confident, and graduation day won’t feel as special as it should be. It’s almost like telling them, “Today was nice! But…what’s next?” Instead, just focus on the day and let the graduate RELAX!
2. Check on them after graduation is over. Check on them in two weeks. Then again, after two months. If in two weeks, they don’t seem okay, take them out. Talk to them. Recommend them to talk to a professional or at least someone they trust. Just make sure you check on them. I really can’t stress that enough. Even after two months, check on them again! Especially if you’re close to the graduate, just make sure they are okay emotionally and mentally.
3. Money…we like money. (Jk! 😊)
4. No, I’m serious…money.

All in all, today, was a day I will never forget. Without God on my side, none of this would be possible. My parents have done so much for me, that getting here was “easy” because I had parents like them. My family and friends supported me, helped me, and celebrated me in a way that sometimes I feel overwhelmed with warmth in me. I love everyone so much! And even from China, I wish my boyfriend was here, but he made sure he was with me in my heart by calling me this morning and just telling me how proud he was. ❤

That’s all for now, folks! I’m off to enjoy the rest of my graduation weekend. And also celebrate my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary! (Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I’ll write a post about that later. 😉)

‘Til Next Time! ❤

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